How the Other Lives


Update

Hello again,



I know it has been a century since I posted on here, I have been in a whirlwind of lifestyle changes that have caused me to lose priority for something I genuinely enjoy; writing. I decided to pick this back up as a form of procrastination against what I should be doing (which is technically working, but I am procrastinating against that with doing university dissertation work). 

Lots have happened. A short but quick update; University of Brighton (the SU specifically) have plugged a fee onto societies, making my Youth Stop Aids emerging society fall flat on its face. I have decided to preoccupy myself with local communities rather than the University and direct my efforts to something that matters and doesn't cost a fee. With that in mind, I did manage to leave the society winning the established 'Society of the Year' award... which is ironic considering they then shut us down. I am continuing to work part-time as a sub-par reservationist, my passion is still very strong in the need to help others, but seems to be fogged by bill and rent dates. 

Crazily- I am also getting married! Considering this blog used to be my outlet for my love life, before my life came about the community work I do, this is a big deal! The wedding is at the end of 2019, and I am blessed to live and care for the most incredible, loving man in the world. So as you can imagine, this has also blurred my focus the past few months. 

Us in Las Vegas, July.
On top of all this, my fiance actually recently started working with me, something a lot of people told us not to do, but we ignored them (as per) and had the most wonderful month working side by side, living on top of the world. Then something happened, and the heartache that came with that has caused me to fall into a dark pit over the last couple weeks, my mind has been very confused with what direction I want to go next, and how best to support him during this time. It is tough, I know that over time we will get over this and be happier than ever. For now, it is a lot of emotions at different points of the day.

So imagine this; I wake up with joyous thoughts of my future wedding, then fogs over the doom of my final year at university booming, paired with the pain of trying to get people organized on my course (or trying to have my admin sign me up to the correct modules rather than mess me around constantly). Finally panic of money and budgeting sets in, all before getting up and having overwhelming dread to go to work where I sit and smile at the people that have made my fiances and my life unbearable. I then get to work, work, work a lil' more, then eat my low-cal meal for the WeightWatchers diet I have now consumed my life with, before trying to make a meal plan on a low-cost budget, before finally doing the 2.5 mile walk home whilst considering why I am upset over my life when others have it so, so much worse?! And I should know, I volunteered to help those people.

This post wasn't intended for happiness, or to show you how far I've come, this post is finally something I can write without fearing for millions of consequences. It was simply to let out how I am feeling on a page. Moreover, whilst writing this I am considering my upcoming engagement party, setting table plans, picking bridesmaids whilst battling with their drama, and trying to write a dissertation on Sustainable Development Goals and what effect they've had on slums.


              Homeless


I am hoping and praying I don't lose sight of what I love, I am desperate to begin a career in development where I can start putting my experience in volunteering to good use. 

I was on the bus a few days ago (the Brighton Station bus to the seafront), and saw a homeless man. Beaten face, attempting to wake his friend up, whilst asking for spare change. What was painful is the number of people in the short time the bus was at a red light, walked straight past him. It is something I have become so accustomed to whilst I have been living here, something I am guilty of doing. It is the eye shift, the adjustment of headphones to make it clear you can't hear them, even though you see their mouth move. It is a continuous problem that doesn't seem to have an ending. Homeless people buy tents- tents get destroyed, homeless people begging- people laugh. It is a problem we avoid continuously. I want to establish myself in the development region in this county to hopefully advise and shed some light on the situation. I wrote a poem to explain the emotions on that street, that early, crisp Autumn morning.


Found on Google Images.


Beaten face, desperate eyes,
A look of guilt drawn,
The clasping of hands,
This is homeless.

A shifted eye,
Adjustment of headphones,
Swerve away, suit intact,
This is us.

Grabbing the dirty blanket,
Desperate heart, blood-soaked clothes,
Hole in shoes,
This is homeless.

Accidental apology, patting pockets,
Jokes aside, a cigarette thrown,
Angry voices, angry excuses,
Inconvenience,
This is us.

Hands drew out, dirty beneath,
Nails broke, voice raspy,
Money needed, survival wanted,
This is homeless.




Until next time,

XOXO

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